Ep. 143 | A Hard Season, A Stronger Marriage

Sep 15

With Pete Miko

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube

What if the hardest season of your life could also be the one that makes your marriage the strongest it's ever been?

In this episode of the 100xLife Podcast, Rob Dayton sits down with longtime friend Pete Miko, a graduate of the Master's Program and a 100xLife Coach, for an honest conversation about what happens when your marriage and your business are moving in opposite directions at the same time.

Pete shares candidly about a season where his relationship with his wife has grown stronger even as his business has gone through real hardship, and how learning to see his wife the way God sees her, rather than reacting to her in the moment, has completely changed how he shows up for her. He and Rob dig into what it actually means to have an eternal mindset in marriage, why taking up your cross is often most real with your spouse, and why physical discipline (staying in the gym, literally) plays a bigger role in emotional and spiritual resilience than most men realize.

You'll Hear

What made the eternal mindset "the best thing anybody's ever told" Pete about his marriage
What it means to be "in knowledge of your wife"
Why business hardship and marital growth showed up in Pete's life at the same time
Wise counsel for facing more than one trial at once
The connection between physical discipline and spiritual resilience
Why finishing strong means thinking about the legacy you leave your kids

Journal Prompt
Holy Spirit, why do you love my spouse so much? What is it about their design that you're particularly fond of?

About Pete Miko
Pete and Rob go back to the late 90s, back when Rob first met Nancy, and they've been tracking together ever since, including in one of Rob's earliest Band of Brothers prayer groups. Pete's a graduate of the Master's Program and has become a 100xLife Coach himself, still very much in the gym.

Rob Dayton (00:00)
Welcome to the 100X Life Podcast, where we activate people who desire to live the words of Jesus and experience the abundant life He promises. I'm your host, Rob Dayton, and I hope this podcast inspires you to put in the work of following Jesus.
Rob Dayton (00:36)
Hey HundredX Lifers, welcome back to the podcast. I'm down in Newport Beach in my sister's kitchen. teaching the master's program. So fun to teach the master's program in San Diego and in Newport Beach. Got a lot of classes down here. And as you know, I love helping particularly men follow Jesus. And so that that master's program is such an upgrade in that process.
I want to remind everybody why we do 100x life. What is the purpose? And it it is squarely faced in following Jesus. And the bottom line is, as we say, is saying yes to Jesus is so simple. I could just raise my hand, go down in front of a church, whatever that looks like or look like for you. That is the simple part. And then Jesus has this crazy proposal. Once you've said yes, he says, Now the first thing I want you to do is I want you to transform.
The way you think. And that is very difficult. It's very difficult to transform the way you think. repentance is a core skill of the Jesus follower. If you can't change the way you think, if you do not have that ability, drop everything and do whatever you can to acquire that skill. That is a lot of what 100x life is about. That's exactly what I'm teaching these days.
and writing about is how do I change the way we think? How do you transform? Well, how do I get a new mindset? And one of the core tenets of repentance or mindsets is the eternal mindset. The eternal mindset. In the eternal mindset, this life simply is a training ground. It's a gymnasium. The whole, the whole, the whole experience of life is just a gymnasium, I would say, to practice love.
This is where we grow our godlike ability to love. Everyone is capable of becoming a master of loving like Jesus. So whereas, you know, Tiger Woods, you might not ever be on the PGA tour because, you know, You don't have the natural talent for golfing. You have the natural talent and ability for love. If you exercise it, change the way you think, and internal mindset.
is the mindsets that needed to to see this life and not be deceived by it, but see it as a platform of training because when when we get to heaven, that's what we take with us is our capability to love. So I want to dive into that and I've got Pete Miko on the podcast. If you've listened to all the podcasts, he will not be a stranger to you. Pete and I have been tracking together for quite some times. I would say
All the way back in the day when when I met Nancy and that was a long time ago, man. That was like I think we were tracking together starting in ninety-seven and then our lives have been intertwining. Pete is a graduate of the master's program. I think you're a two time graduate at this point. And
Pete Miko (03:28)
No.
Rob Dayton (03:28)
and and then you've you're a hundred life ex life coach now, and this has really
caught fire with you. Pete and I have actually been in a prayer group together, a band of brothers early on. Actually my Pete was in my first band of brothers. So really sacred and cherished commitment of weekly meeting together and praying. And Pete's been on a journey of mind transformation. So this is what we want to talk about. We have to get practical and talk about the realities of how to transform your mind if
if we're gonna be good at following Jesus. So Pete Miko, welcome back to the podcast.
Pete Miko (04:01)
Thank you, Rob, and a constant lesson that you never stop learning, growing, stretching, everything. Holy smokes. So thank you for having me.
Rob Dayton (04:09)
Yeah, I yeah, I I
you you're so welcome. Can you imagine if someone proposed to you, hey, we're gonna do this workout regimen and you're gonna lift and you're gonna get good cardio, but you only have to do it for six months and after that you can stop for the rest of your life. Doesn't work. And the same is true for love. There there is no stopping place this side of heaven. so Pete,
Tell us a little bit about your background in 100x life. What are you fired up about? Like what really gets you going?
Pete Miko (04:38)
Well, I I think, you know, starting with the masters program, I I think I've said this before. You know, one of the things that was hard for me was I need constant contact. You know, I need the the quarterly meetings were amazingly dense and eye opening and encouraging and discouraging and all sorts of things. But but I I love the constant connection and and you kinda did it with a hundred X life and so I really gravitated towards that and
Ironically, when it started, you know, challenges started occurring, interestingly enough for me in areas I've never had challenges before. but it was a perfectly timed, you know, spirit and mind battle and getting through this. And it's it's been not, you know, that the challenges haven't changed, but I've been armored up with these skills that I've learned at 100x life and kind of eye-opening in some ways and
feel like a baby Christian sometimes when I'm like, man, why did it take that to open my eyes that this there is this battle going on. And you know, the going to the I've been working out like crazy 'cause of stress and part of that is rewiring it. I'm not going to fortunately I'm not predisposed to alcohol and those kind of things. So I've been lucky there. but I've been blessed to be able to have this new, you know, okay, what now?
And it triggers I
Rob Dayton (05:55)
Mm.
Pete Miko (05:55)
gotta get closer to God, I gotta get into the gym, I've gotta seek him and all that. And I think I mentioned to you recently I kind of deviated from that. No pressure had gone away, so the pressure's still coming and coming fast. But I'm like, it's so crazy that I for two years have been on this track and then I I got kind of, you know, sidetracked. But I know where to go, you know, I know who to call. and so you
Rob Dayton (06:16)
Come on. Well let's talk
about let's talk about that journey in detail. I want to really get into that, but before we do that, I want to talk about one of the things that I love about you, and I want to see if you can explain it to people just from your perspective. Is one of the things I love about you is you have a deep affinity for men and being in relationship with them, particularly certain t types, I would say.
C can you tell us about like the the thrill of that, how that happens for you, the relationships that get built? What does that look like?
Pete Miko (06:48)
Yeah, I I think part of it is early you know, a few years back learning that, you know, I didn't have to go through life, you know, just in my current zone and my current friendships and relationships and especially moving to Texas five years ago, I really had to lean on like, you know what, I'm just gonna let it rip. I'm gonna, you know, and that's how I met my wife twenty years before, you know, it's like I'm gonna let it rip. And you know, seeking and trusting I've just found that I have this
passion to connect to people, especially men, and I have a passion for marriage. And that's been really wild because I've had her, you know, I've had some challenges in that but I've never lost the passion for it. And seeking out relationships and almost to the point where like my oldest daughter, when we first moved to Texas, I took a guy to lunch and the guy thought that the his daughter had done something to my daughter. He's like, what am I in for? You know, nobody just wants to go to lunch and
So she got confronted in the hallway of school and she goes, Look, my dad goes to lunch with every dad, you know. So I was like, Okay
Rob Dayton (07:45)
That isn't that
spause on that because that's I think that that's a lost art, particularly for guys, is how do I be in relationship? And it's no it's not unusual to me that this man that you are intentionally meeting with for the purpose of connecting is suspicious of the meeting
Pete Miko (08:05)
Right.
Rob Dayton (08:06)
because we I think the typical
Male fought is y we just don't do that. We don't reach out to people for the purpose of relationship. But then tell me about what happens when that man learns that that's what you're up to. Is that is that a something that becomes attractive?
Pete Miko (08:24)
At some points, I mean you weed through people, right? People aren't always up for, you know, and or they don't know how to handle
Rob Dayton (08:30)
Right.
Pete Miko (08:31)
handle a I've kind of said, you know, Texas has been amazing in a lot of respects, but it getting close to people's been challenging. So I I've I've know a ton of people, I've been blessed, I've taken this as like, Hey, I got transferred to the military and now I'm I'm gonna meet as many people, found a Bible study, found a great group of guys.
Found my, you know, kinda cause you know me, I gotta I gotta find you there, you here. And so
Rob Dayton (08:54)
Come on.
Pete Miko (08:54)
I think taking those social risks but also passing that on to my daughters, explaining what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, you know, and how my faith plays into that and how, you know, I'm creating my circle, you know, and trying to expand the kingdom in whatever way. I still feel completely under qualified, you know. I got
Six months ago I got reached out in a serious marriage issue and you know, I prayed about it and I said, I'm all in. I don't I I I'm not sure how this works. I'm not at clinical, I'm praying. Another man. Another man. Yeah.
Rob Dayton (09:21)
This is with this is with some a guy that you are invested in who's having a challenge in relationship.
And I think you and I have have talked about that. What what do you think? And you can go there, what do you think it is about your skill in terms of being intentional with a guy and really being a resource? And I'll just give you my impression the way you occur to me is that you're not afraid to call something out that you see.
Pete Miko (09:47)
Yeah, I think I think, you know, in some cases, you know, I have a I have a one of my kids is has to learn and know everything before she goes into battle of anything, you know. When she's eight and trying out for basketball, I gotta know how this all goes down. I need to know all the rules, I need to know everything. And I've just taken a different approach because I'm never gonna be qualified enough. I'm never going to be
Rob Dayton (10:07)
Mm.
Pete Miko (10:07)
learned enough to be able to you know, give wise counsel to another man when look
My marriage isn't that great or whatever, you know, and I I just feel like, God has put on me that that fearlessness and and broad shoulders when it comes to business, when it comes to relationships. And I just want it. I I kinda crave it. And I think,
Rob Dayton (10:27)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Pete Miko (10:29)
you know, the season I'm in now is trying to maintain that with failure while I'm failing, And it's like, okay, Lord, I'm just gonna, this is where you want me. I've been
praying for this for years. If you want me failed down and and this and that, but I want to be consistent through it. I want to be an active vessel for you to spread the gospel, to be a friend, to be a parent, to be a husband. Whatever it whatever
Rob Dayton (10:51)
Yeah.
Pete Miko (10:51)
it takes, it's kind of gotten those senses a little more sensitive, but also a little little nerve wracking because you know our situation could change drastically. And it's like, I I guess I
on the flesh side I wanna coil back and hide, but on the on the spiritual side, I just wanna I I wanna embrace it and say, Okay, I wanna I want this to be part and part of this doing this podcast I wanna be able to come back and tell you how, through trusting in the process and it's submitting that
The future me, the future family, the future everything, how ridiculous this all was and how I shouldn't have let it get to me or what have you, you know?
Rob Dayton (11:27)
Yeah.
Pete Miko (11:28)
so it's more of like a it this is I I'm I'm in it and it's the before, I c would kind of say, but I'm encouraged 'cause I know there's an after and I know that that that that you're the eternal mindset, like you said, has been I thought it was a cop out when you told it to me about my marriage and it's been the best thing anybody's ever told me.
So it's a big structure. Yeah.
Rob Dayton (11:47)
That's so good. And I wanna I wanna get I wanna definitely have you
talk about that. I wanna pause and just really appreciate a couple things that are happening with and what I'm hearing is a I don't have to have everything together to invest in another guy in friendship. I think that that is so freeing and so helpful and resourceful for so many people. You just don't have to have it together. In fact, I think it's
It's it's almost refreshing. It's like, can you imagine like when we see the pastor in the pulpit who's trying to help us, we see that person unfortunately is somehow arrived and not struggling. And then how does that go in society
Pete Miko (12:28)
Right.
Rob Dayton (12:29)
when we find out it's not true? And then the second thing that's happening, Pete, is I I really appreciate and I want to honor the fact that
When your life is in a valley and it's going down, that's not the time to cut off relationship and isolate because I'm shame or I'm embarrassed. That's just another thing to talk about with another guy about the realities of life that we're all going through. Does that sound like real to you? Does that sound like how you you you roll mentally on that?
Pete Miko (12:58)
Yeah, I mean I think there's a lot of times, I mean let's be honest, there's times that, you know, we we do things like we might like a show, we're not sure why, and then we find out that there's a father message in there and it like relates to that or what have you, but you're not thinking about that when you're watching it. You know, I've counseled a few friends through their business downturn and changes drastically, like losing And, part of that potential
Possibly was, my natural reaction is to go to the wounded, but also part of it was like, Hey, this could be me. I wanna learn from you. I wanna you know, but I also have this weird thing of just them feeling alone. Like that just kills me. You know, you're sitting there alone in your your misery and trying to figure out what to do and no one's there to guide you. so
I think some of that some of that is become natural because I I need to, so we talk about triggers, you know, so one of
Rob Dayton (13:53)
Yeah.
Pete Miko (13:54)
I would rather be alone. I'm an only child. I I love being alone, you know. But I've got, you know, three kids and and a wife and I can no longer be alone. And I'm not designed to be alone anymore. So I've kinda shifted that whole thing of, saying, you know, you know, part of our move to Texas was well, all of it was a God thing and
Brought to you by COVID in California. But
Rob Dayton (14:17)
Thank you, California.
Pete Miko (14:19)
Yeah. But now it's always been like what what do you want me to do here? And I know it's not be quiet and I wanna reach out and you know, like I said, I do a
Rob Dayton (14:27)
And it's not and it's not be alone. Like I think that
that's so profound, is that love is not designed to be alone because love needs to it's a it's an activity that's given and if there's no one to give it to, then it can't be practiced. So I think that that is amazing. And you moved out there, you know, Celia, your your spouse really wanted to do that and you felt God you know say yes.
Pete Miko (14:49)
No, she didn't wanna
do it. She didn't wanna do it. So Yeah.
Rob Dayton (14:51)
I thought I thought she
wanted to do it and talked about it, but then when you called it and said, Let's go So tell me about that story of moving out there.
Pete Miko (14:59)
Well, so about three times in my life I've had the the road to Damascus or some sort of you know intervention where I felt like man this was this was completely God wow. and one of was during COVID watching my kids go through some weird changes and challenges and just go and just losing sight of like
How is this a future here if I can't kids can't go to school? How do I succeed in business? How do I how do I talk to people? I can't be around people. And so I just Texas was on my mind. That part of it was for my wife because we have family here. But the other part was all God because I didn't have a plan. And literally
Rob Dayton (15:36)
Mm-hmm.
Pete Miko (15:37)
I, you know, made an offer on a house online and then she's like, What are you doing? You know? She's like, Pete's buying a second home. I'm
Rob Dayton (15:43)
Ha ha
Pete Miko (15:43)
like, No, it's not a second home.
And so as it progressed, I put a trailer in the front yard, you know, and started loading it. I mean, it's a mo you know, I'm like filling the arc, you know. And then one day it's like, we gotta go. And we got halfway there, we got a flat tire, and everybody's emotional. The dog pooped in the back of the the be one of the vehicles. My wife's
Rob Dayton (16:04)
Ha ha ha.
Pete Miko (16:05)
crying because it's freaking out, we're in the middle of New Mexico and she's like, Why can't we move like normal people? And I just remember like
So we're moving. So you finally admit it, you know. So it was all me and you know, I knew there was a safety net, I knew there was family, I had a couple men in my life that I could trust with anything out there. it was a well laid path, but it definitely's been hard and it's caused challenges in you know, c today with business and so on and so forth. But
I wouldn't trade it for anything. My daughter is now in college in California. Funny enough, the one I worried about the most. But it did the trick for her. I mean, she you know, she excelled and accelerated here really well and got tougher and and got more focused and and now is an awesome Christian woman. And my stepson had some issues and he came out here and he's much better out here, near his father and so on and so forth. So there's been a lot of
A lot of things that have worked and a lot of things that haven't, but I've never given up on really like ev once one time I was like, Man, what did I do? You know, but other than that, it's where I'm supposed to be and I don't know why. But I could probably give you a list.
Rob Dayton (17:10)
So
awesome. I love it. And I love your journey and I've loved watching you and I'm such a fan of your journey. And it feels so Holy Spirit centered in that you're really looking for his approval with every step. okay, so tell me about this eternal mindset and a conversation we had about Celia and and as much as you c you can and like share
Pete Miko (17:31)
Yeah.
Rob Dayton (17:31)
what is that about.
Pete Miko (17:33)
Yeah, you know, I think I came into a marriage probably ill equipped to some degree, felt like I fit in all these pieces with a stepson and Yeah.
Rob Dayton (17:41)
Don't don't we all.
Pete Miko (17:43)
then got beat up by life and, you know, so on so forth. But you know, one of the things through this season and my my situation right now, you know, it's interesting li I listen to almost all your podcasts, so like listening to your brother in law's story, holy smokes, you know.
he wrote a book. You know, he's going through the and I met him at your birthday, so that was awesome. and so you're you know, you're looking at a health situation, you know. So and then you've looked at you've had other men on that have just been amazing with their story and you know I feel so thankful that they're opening up about these things 'cause they're they're I think one of was Jeff. fine had some financial stuff turn on him.
And that's the season I'm in where it's just like everything feels like it's collapsing. Some of it's my fault, some of it's the the time we're in, some of it's, you know, those things. I've always been fairly conservative. So and I've never really thought about it and cared. And so now I'm in a season where I have to care. I have to dig in. I have to look at the very real possibility that everything could change drastically. And I've just have this strong desire and I've had since
I can remember. I'm just gonna finish strong. Whatever that is, but strong now is defined by my faith and my character and my family. But what's interesting through this period of feeling broken and you know, you get to get to get your nose rubbed in your mistakes and so on and so forth, my marriage has gotten stronger and better. And some of that
Rob Dayton (19:03)
Come on.
Pete Miko (19:04)
communication, obviously, I think I've misread
relationship things in my wife for a long time in the sense of like how to communicate, how to how to be strong, how to how to be there for her in different ways. And I one of the things you told me is, have an eternity mind view and so I've been much better at like not getting taken out by the enemy and gunfire of, you know, words and hurtful things and so forth. I own none of it and I I just try to love back.
And it's just been it's been awesome because I could go on forever about how impressed I am with how sh how she's handling things and this and that. I I and I'm just thankful for that and I'm like, okay Lord, this could be the byproduct, you know? If this is the byproduct, it's a pretty great byproduct. It might be an R V, but but it's a great byproduct.
Rob Dayton (19:48)
So let me so let me explain that because the
that that's crazy to me because what I'm hearing you say, and just because I know the story so well, is it feels like there's a new story you're telling yourself about Celia constantly and that new story is really positive. is is it as simple as sh is shifting the focus on what's wrong to what's right?
Pete Miko (20:13)
I think that's a big part. I I think sometimes as men we take on we have a lot of expectations and I think some of the some of the men that I've become friends with or I I hate to say counseled but something like that. I hear a lot of me and expectations and mine and this and that and it's like I owned it all. I went, Holy smokes, these are all my expectations. You know, God's got a whole different you know, my expectations were to be in the NBA, you know, and
His expectations are something totally different. And I've got to I've got to project that onto my wife. Dave Brown was gave me a great quote as well. is be in knowledge of your wife. And so now I you know, I mean be be in
Rob Dayton (20:49)
Say say it again and explain it.
Pete Miko (20:51)
no be in knowledge of your wife. Like really know her, like invest. And even if it's I do have a funny joke about that, but but it really invest in and i as much as you may not.
care about what's going on in this part of the world or care about, you know, nutritional values of carrots or whatever, but invest. And
Rob Dayton (21:11)
Is that is
that look like when you say to know her, is that you know some of the th some of the things something that I'm always saying to guys that are s challenged by their relationships with their wives is who does God say she is? Is that kind of what you're saying is getting that intel, that knowledge on who she is, or how would you explain that for you?
Pete Miko (21:31)
I would say, you know, if you have a if you have a w a a wife that's this is not mine, but if you have a wife that's messy or something like that, don't be surprised by it. You know. Or
Rob Dayton (21:40)
Mm-hmm.
Pete Miko (21:41)
if you have a wife that doesn't speak your love language or s something like that, learn to learn to recreate that in a way that's, you know, healthy or what have you. I I have this running joke with her and it's so funny 'cause we laugh about it, but I'll say
I hate cars. I hate buying a car. I hate dealing with car. And so it'll be like, okay, when we do need a car, she'll be like, you know what I'd really love? And it'll be some crazy car. And it drives me nuts because I'm like, Who did I marry? A Bentley? Like, what are we gonna do with that? You know, how are we gonna insure it? Or whatever? And I've realized what she's saying is she just loves that car. And so now
Rob Dayton (22:19)
It's
not it's not go buy it, Pete.
Pete Miko (22:21)
Let's not go buy it. We're never gonna own one. We're never gonna own a you know, and and I I've realized that's been one of the areas for me that's been really like, and it's not changing the way I c feel about her, it's not changing anything. And that those some of these things sound trivial but we all know they stack up, right? And and so
Rob Dayton (22:36)
They do. So you're just simply
changing the way you think about her, which is totally in the repentance lane. Is there any other aspects of knowledge that really help you look at Celia with eyes of delight and gratitude?
Pete Miko (22:52)
Well, I I've always I've been lucky, I think, because I've always been completely attracted to her like nobody else. I the minute I got married, you know, I was s I I prayed really hard into being a man worthy of her because I had been a a crazy single guy. And he's honored that. and that was
Rob Dayton (23:10)
Let's go.
Pete Miko (23:10)
that is something that I just am always thankful for because I've never
Never been challenged there, never pushed, never, you know, but and that's I I love marriage and I love the whole routine and I love all those things. I have plenty of I've had plenty of pain. I think you've gotten a couple letters from me and over the years and stuff like that, but I've always kept that same steadfastness fastness and maybe that part of that is rewiring. Part of that is I I
Rob Dayton (23:33)
Mm-hmm.
Pete Miko (23:34)
think it's the Holy Spirit. I d I can't take credit for
Rob Dayton (23:36)
Come on.
Pete Miko (23:36)
it. I can't take credit for her staying in love with me.
you know, because I've I've fallen short in areas. But I just, you know, I think when we were talking, I was just saying, you know, it's really interesting through this process of of not knowing how to handle certain things in the financial world that my my relationship with my wife has gotten better and that's bringing me so much joy that I'm like, okay,
This is amazing. It didn't take away the financial pain, it doesn't take away all those things, but I mean it helps a ton.
Rob Dayton (24:07)
So
you so you have been on this journey of changing the way you think, and I'll just I'll just say I think you're everyone has Holy Spirit on board. So Holy Spirit's definitely involved, but you've been actually doing the work of changing the way you think. And what's really cool and what I've noticed is now you're in the season where you're actually emotionally consistent with the thoughts you've wanted to have about her. In other words
It's not just believing something, it's actually experiencing joy and satisfaction and wow, this relationship is amazing. And then at the same time, it feels like business is starting, the same time that's ramping up. It feels like business is ramping down. And like, and how do you how do you actually how do you how do you view that? What is the mindset of that particular situation that that is it
Coincidential? Like what do you what's the story as you tell yourself about that?
Pete Miko (25:02)
I don't know, you know, I think this is the part where I'm in the middle you know, I I've been in it for two years and it's just continually changed and morphed and and turned into other problems as many problems do. If you're thinking about your body, you know, you you damage your left knee and then you pull your right co you know, your right calf later because it's all connected, right? And so
Rob Dayton (25:23)
Right.
Pete Miko (25:24)
that's kind of what's going on on with me. I
I tend to put stuff more on myself and so I've kinda l you know, I made the mistake of leaving God out of it for a while because I'm like, Well, I did this, I got you know.
Rob Dayton (25:36)
Right.
so that what that means is that you you're taking the business like you you it's so funny 'cause in the in the what the previous comment was it's all God with the marriage, and then what your previous mindset was, which is not true, it's God in you making decisions, and then this new thought about businesses is all Pete and you had to actually wrestle with, no, actually God's in this too. And I I've heard I don't know where I heard from one of the guys I coach is like, Hey, well, you know, I've done what I've done. If
You know, God your turn. What is your thought in that process of actually you had owned it all and now you're giving it to God that He's a part of your business?
Pete Miko (26:13)
Yeah, I mean I think some of it is because I I left some simple rule of thumbs and and strategies that I've had over the years. I've kept it pretty disciplined and then I let my guard down and so I feel like I got into an unequally yoked relationship or I I went into a business that I never would have gone into before through an unequally yoked relationship. So it's been it's been wild. So I always tend to, you know,
I'm the responsible taking the Briggs Meyer test, right? Responsibility and futuristic. So futuristic was part of that design that drove me to Texas. and responsibility is part of the design that's gotten me into some of these relationships, work wise and and so on and so forth. And then some of it's just the economy and what everybody's going through. You know, I you know, listening to, your brother in law Jim, you know, on the physical side,
I've been blessed. I haven't had any of that, but I can I can understand it, right? so it's and then I think listening to Jeff, I think I think it's Jeff and I'm sorry, but
Rob Dayton (27:11)
Jeff
King are you thinking Jeff King?
Pete Miko (27:14)
think so. San Luis Obispo maybe. But
Rob Dayton (27:15)
Okay. Yeah, he's sounds busy, yeah.
Pete Miko (27:18)
you know, I think there was a huge financial trial that that that takes you down to like, okay, you know, I know how I am when I'm comfortable or I at least I know
Rob Dayton (27:28)
Yes.
Pete Miko (27:28)
but every day is it could this could be done. That could be I it's the unknown. And so I find myself craving for like consistency, craving for different things. But I I do know that
And the reason I'm doing this with you is I I think you know, I've appreciated everybody that's come on this podcast that's layered in the hundred X life experience. And some of are just amazing men. Holy smokes and women. and some of you know, like I really appreciate Jeff 'cause his testimony was amazing, right? I'm like, here we go, you know, the guy, you know, put Bibles on the moon and did whatever. And then he's had his challenges, you know, and it's like, Wow,
Rob Dayton (28:04)
Right.
Pete Miko (28:04)
thank you for sharing. And so
again I feel like there's gonna be another podcast where I say, Okay, man, this is what God did to me and then now look
Rob Dayton (28:12)
Let's go.
Pete Miko (28:12)
where I'm at,
Rob Dayton (28:13)
Yeah, 'cause we're not
at the testimony stage. Like we're w our idea for having you come on is like we're not at the end yet. And of course God's working all things together pretty good. So if it's not good yet, it's not he's not done yet. and so, you know, we're not at the glorious finish line. We are in the marriage. We're like in the midst of that is a powerful testimony. And here's what I'm really curious about. I have this thought, Pete, that that God
He doesn't cause these negative things. he knows that they're gonna happen. Sometimes the enemy is involved. Most of the time, in my opinion, it's just us just making stupid mistakes. But that is not wasted. It's always used to in this is the way I'm now talking about it, to increase our ability to love, to choose Jesus and increase our ability to love. And what I'm really curious about is.
You you have these two lines that are happening. You have your marriage going up, and then you have the business trajectory coming down. Do you think the the the lack of comfort in business, the lack of consistency in business is somehow being leveraged to love Celia more?
Pete Miko (29:23)
I think it's definitely like taking away maybe the distractions and some of those things. So if you were I mean I think that's that's the the premise of the challenge of right in a 100 X life is to deny yourself and so as you are denied these things that you thought were
were stable or whatever, I mean really it's my relationship with Christ and my relationship with my wife is everything. So ultimately I think it stripped away some of the noise and stripped away some of that for sure. And then just, you know, God being completely merciful with me, and not having both happen at the same time, which would be
Rob Dayton (30:01)
Right. And and and
some people listening to this actually might have that. What would be your wise counsel for someone who's going through both at once, just in the way you minister to guys?
Pete Miko (30:11)
You know, I think I think it it's and you nailed it earlier, it's not to do the natural thing which is to coil up and go away or to compromise. and that can mean a many many different things. There's shortcuts out there, there was always with play games on business side, there's way to play games and deceive your wife or tell her you know, this and that. I know it's been important for me to try to
be more informative to my wife about the things that are going on, to continue to communicate that we are strong, the world stuff is getting nutty and all those things are happening and all the blessings we've had and then and then on the business side is not to compromise as a man, not to take shortcuts, not to not to deceive, not to do anything. and that part is very, very important to me 'cause as I wanna create a legacy for my children, not not
on stuff, but just behavior, that I'm talking to, you know, especially my older one, she's getting it from me, like, you know, she's getting a grand education on how to manage down versus she's in the beginning of, thinking about working. She's a senior in college. And I'm like, I now have a ton of knowledge. I mean, I always tell people, you know, it's really interesting, as you go along, it's really easy to succeed. It's not it's really a it's really an art to
to fail, you know, and it's ironic, you know, you gotta you got people that make claims on Trump about f having failures and I'm like, that makes you better actually, right? I mean, forget some of the moral stuff. I'm just talking about the business side where it's like you
Rob Dayton (31:38)
Yeah.
Pete Miko (31:38)
a lot going down. and I I just like okay, Lord's gonna use that somehow. Maybe, you know, I've I've counseled a few people that are dealing with some tricky stuff because I now know how to
I know how to make it, I know how to lose it, and I know
Rob Dayton (31:52)
Yeah.
Pete Miko (31:52)
how to deal with all the entities in between. And
Rob Dayton (31:55)
So good.
I I re I remember when I was a young boy and I was listening to a conversation my dad was having with someone. A lot of people came to my dad for wisdom. and the guy said, Hey, hey, how do I not make mistakes? Like, how do I avoid mistakes? And and and my dad said, Wisdom. And he's like, Well, how do I get wisdom? And he said, Make mistakes. It's like it's just you you mistakes are so resourceful.
Pete Miko (32:14)
Right. So you got you got
Yeah. That's where you got your one liners that I try to go, great, he just got rid of me and then I'm like, that was a good one. That was a good one. You turn.
Rob Dayton (32:25)
Yeah.
Yeah, I I tell us about tell us about this eternal mindset in marriage and and you know, w what was it that really hit you and how did you use that to tr to reframe the way you think, to transform the way you think, repentance?
Pete Miko (32:41)
I think I think for me it was to strip away what I wanted, more and I think look at it like, okay, we've got a twenty five year, twenty year sprint here, coming up.
Rob Dayton (32:50)
And
is that twenty years because that's kind of like a logical amount of time you have in life? Okay.
Pete Miko (32:55)
That I have left on the planet. Yeah, yeah.
And and to say, look, it's very important to me to maintain the family structure. I have two girls and and a son. And so when you you see the especially the impact, the girls are seventeen and twenty one, you see the impact we have just by being together, let alone communicating,
Rob Dayton (33:16)
Yes. Come on.
Pete Miko (33:17)
loving each other.
I just wanna finish strong and I'm like, okay, so if that's the least I can do for the most important person in my w in my life, I'm gonna take some of my expectations and put over here
Rob Dayton (33:27)
Mm-hmm.
Pete Miko (33:28)
and I'm going to seek, you know, what do you want from me, Lord? I know you don't want me to aid in and abed bad decisions or bad things, but certainly I'm just gonna love her, try to see her like you see her. I use this analogy in one of my favorite movies back in the day, where the guy would joke that the woman
she's overreacting and acting like you know, like she's like she's gonna kill you, but she's really a scared rabbit in the corner. You know. And sometimes I think that's a mindset.
Rob Dayton (33:52)
Right. And that's a that and that's a mindset you have to have.
Pete Miko (33:55)
And I see the rabbit now. I just look and I see my I see my wife just, you know, being you know, falling into being a fearful about something or being nervous
Rob Dayton (34:03)
Mm-hmm.
Pete Miko (34:04)
about our son or being, you know, worried about a daughter, whatever. And I see that ver versus see the projection of
frustration or anger at me. It's not about me. And and I don't
Rob Dayton (34:12)
Mm-hmm. So yeah, it's not
about you. I think that that's the key for people to who are listening is that typically when a spouse is lashing out or they're having challenges, it's really not about you. It's what's going on internally to them. And so when you're saying, seeing the scared rabbit in the corner, you're saying, I'm gonna, I'm not I'm not gonna, I'm gonna work to not be offended by what you're saying and t and own
responsibility for it. I'm gonna look to see past that and what is the source of this anger. Anger's typically a secondary emotion. There's all sorts of other emotions that go off first. Where's the source of those primary emotions? And then the other thing that comes
Pete Miko (34:51)
And if you're in if you're
in knowledge of your wife and you care
Then what happens is you can anticipate it and you can see it and you can see her as God sees her, versus the the you know, the wild banshee trying to, you know, slit your throat. You see this person that's feeling pain. You see all the things because you know you're invested, you care. And it
Rob Dayton (35:14)
That's it.
Pete Miko (35:15)
seems simple and trivial. I it's just been like I said, it took me a long time to get to the point where I'm like, Thank you, Lord, thank you that I can see these things because I've
Rob Dayton (35:23)
Come on.
Pete Miko (35:24)
And now I just I can you know, if i I I can tell she didn't sleep well. I I've got it all down. More than
Rob Dayton (35:32)
It's got it's got us it's
you got the skills and you've got the so and the mindset is actually changing the way you think is how you're s processing every situation in a new way. And I'll just point out, you know, that's what we mean by following d Jesus is difficult. Is he's inviting us into to repentance to change the way we think. And you've had to work to change the neuro passages in your brain.
Based on a decision you made in your soul, your your mind, separate from your brain, to continually focus and imagine your words, be knowledgeable about her and see past the the actions that are negative into the source of what that is. And and and that is the difficulty, that is the the challenge, that is the the weight lifting of marriage is to change the way you think about her. And then I'll just add to that just to see if it's there, because
One of the things that I know a lot of people don't really relate to in the words of Jesus is take up your cross. Take up your cross and follow me. Like, what do you mean, Jesus? Take up my cross. And it's the representation of the cross, which is a I'm gonna die for you. I'm gonna die to my rights, and I'm going to serve you. That's what take up my cross looks like. And what I know notice is that.
The most likely place for a man and a woman to take up their cross is with their spouse. Did does that what it spelled like for you at at all? Is that is that word of Jesus play into this?
Pete Miko (37:06)
Yeah, I think I've always kind of struggled with some of that understanding, you know, completely what that means. But I I think again this this is this is like a six month metamorphosis into the butterfly of going, man, through getting through getting killed in one area and feeling completely vulnerable and uncertain
I've been ab and then kinda layering in all these things and instead of inst and rewiring my ideas of a personal attack versus, you know, true pain and then diving into her her pain and stuff. And then I'll say that and then I'll go in the house and take a shot and be unarmed and like here we go. But
I I just I I think the advice that you gave and Dave Brown is like really be in knowledge, really care. And I think men miss that because sometimes it's hard to listen to the stories, listen to the things, not know how to connect to it, different love languages. But
I think the eternity mind is to say, ultimately I I I always look ahead. Ultimately I want to finish strong. I wanna be Peter Miko, husband, father, and I want my kids to go, Dad always asked men to lunch and he's always gonna pray for me when this
happens and he's gonna turn a knee injury of my daughters into this whole spiritual thing and then go that kind of like that was actually representative of my walk with Christ. my gosh, what does a knee have to do with Jesus? guess what? So I think
Rob Dayton (38:30)
That's good.
Pete Miko (38:32)
some of this as men we have to have this kind of credo or these you know I guess these have family crests back in the day and I just think you know how do you want yours to look
And then ultimately you can study, you can read, you can do all these things, but you're gonna have to do.
And you're gonna have
Rob Dayton (38:47)
That's good.
Pete Miko (38:47)
to you're gonna have to lead. And you know, in talking today I feel totally like vulnerable when it comes to work and all these things and these failures. But I just keep saying, get up every day, because I'm teaching my kids to do this, you know. You're gonna get up every day and you're gonna you're gonna fight, you're gonna you're gonna love your spouse and you're gonna love your Lord and you're going to lean on them. And you know, and then that eternity mind i is going to be different for each one of them.
at e every stage of their life and every stage of our lives. Right? To be eternity minded. It might be stopping and talking to somebody that you wouldn't normally talk to. It might be giving something to somebody that you normally wouldn't give. But
It is it is crazy to think. I remember when we did the master's program, I think we had a couple guys that were in their mid thirties with newly married. And it's like, I think I was probably mid forties. And I just remember you're like, How many of you think you're gonna live forever? You know, or how many of you thought about death or something like that? I can't remember. But it was like I'm like
Now, you know, you pass a point where you realize when the kids get older, one of one leaves the house, I think we had one just left the house, and you start going, my gosh. my gosh.
that's why the masters program was so interesting because it really starts mapping out like you're not winding down, let's wind up. Let's take all the talents, let's
Rob Dayton (39:59)
Come on.
Pete Miko (40:00)
all the all the things you've learned and experience and then you know, give And I think maybe that's gonna end up being my thing is I I have this vision of my wife and I going around the country and possibly like mentoring s you know, young
Rob Dayton (40:13)
Wow.
Pete Miko (40:13)
business owners or something, and all maybe this this crashing that's occurring needs to be part of my resume, you know.
I don't know.
Rob Dayton (40:20)
Absolutely.
I think that that's so powerful and so true. So you you're you're kind of landing on the the eternal mindset is looking back from the death date and saying, How do I want to be remembered specifically by my kids, from my kids, my wife, by other people in my life, and then I'm going to act and change change the way I think in this here and present to get to that point. I love that. It's always an acceleration.
There's not a coast. You don't get to a certain age and then you're you're you're you're circling the drain, you know, to
Pete Miko (40:52)
Right.
Rob Dayton (40:52)
eternity. We don't do that. We we actually in Paul's terms we we run the r race well. And what I understand is that the end of the race is where you're going the fastest. And so we're increasing that ability to love. I I love this. Let's let's give our listeners something to think about and let's do it around marriage. So a journal prompt would be Holy Spirit
Why do you love my spouse so much? What is it about their design, Jesus, that you are particularly fond of? And again, we're journaling in the first person from that member of the Trinity, either Jesus or Holy Spirit, to give you intel about your spouse. And that will become, in Pete's words, knowledge that you can celebrate, knowledge that you can lean into, something to chain transform your mind to. We don't we don't stop thinking negatively.
to stop something in a negative thought process, you always have to add where are we going to thought process. You you can't just kill the negative thought. You replace it with a godly thought. And so that is the idea here. And then and then again, we're gonna have to get in the gym. Just as like Pete's talking about is you gotta get in the gym. Transforming your mind is not easy. It takes repetition. You have to use your imagination many times about your spouse and
imagining what God's saying about them to keep that in front of you so that you can actually think differently, speak differently, act differently. So good. Pete Miko, thanks again for coming on. Any final words for those that might be challenged in their marriage, in their business?
Pete Miko (42:28)
well we'll see. I've you know, I'm in this I think I've telling you the process of making sure that my convergence of my spirit and my body
bo my mind and my spirit that my body doesn't break down in the middle of this and so I've experienced things I haven't experienced before whether it's stress related or whatever. But I
Rob Dayton (42:46)
Yeah.
Pete Miko (42:47)
I just would say, you know, I've I've really appreciate I'm a I need kind of like hands on tools. I'm not good with like lots of reading. you know and I I like to you know I like to talk to somebody
And I just think that what I've loved about this program is all the little tools and then I was laughing this morning when I was reviewing some of this stuff and going, Isn't that funny? That's all right there. I just I had the night, darn it, you know. but that this that whether it's this program or something else
there is a method to the madness. There is a method to denying your body sugar. There is a method to denying your to to deny yourself not working out and those kind of things. And I would just say, you know, that's one of the things that I've been talking every single person, even before your program, that's going through something in their marriage or with work, is I'm like, go work out. I know you're don't work
Rob Dayton (43:38)
Yes.
Pete Miko (43:38)
out. I hate working out. I hate it. I love sports, but I hate working out. But
I I would say it's amazing. It's amazing because you can't battle what's gonna come in front of you if you're not physically fit and able to defend yourself, you know. And then you get guys like Jim who now have this impediment. But what I love about what Jim's gonna go through or going through is because of his mindset, he's going to figure out how to get the same juice that he got before. And God's gonna reveal that to him and it's gonna be frickin' awesome. And I don't you know
Easy for me to say, but I can just tell these things, you know, when guys are seeking and all that, that, you know, my mom's had a lot of issues with that in the last couple years, broken leg and this and that. But she's got this crazy mindset that she is just going to hike.
Rob Dayton (44:23)
Wow. Yeah.
Pete Miko (44:24)
And it's a reaction, and it's like the doctors don't know what to do with her because she doesn't want medication. She just wants to go hike. And I just think of that and
Rob Dayton (44:30)
It's amazing.
Pete Miko (44:31)
I go, Lord, that is amazing. So I just want to go hike. I just want to be with Jesus, my family, and I just want to hike.
So
Rob Dayton (44:37)
So good. And I I like that, you know, staying in the gym and in in a difficult time is so good because as we say in Hundred X Life, you're taking authority over your body and you're giving that authority to the spirit to lead. Who does not want their spirit to lead them through any difficult situation? So that physicality of demanding your body do something or demanding your body not do something is gonna really pay dividends in taking authority over the flesh that wants to just freak out.
during these difficult times. So well said.
Pete Miko (45:07)
And eat car
eat carbs and sugar. Insane.
Rob Dayton (45:09)
Right, right.
Pete, man, thanks again for being willing to come on the program. Thanks for your vulnerability. I love you so much.
Pete Miko (45:17)
Love you too, brother. Take care.
Rob Dayton (45:19)
Okay, 100X Lifers. Have a great week. Transforming your mind and following Jesus. We will see you next time.